So many men have internalized the lie that they have uncontrollable sex drives, and no way to control their anger. They aren’t ashamed of their abusive behavior because they see it as a something natural to them and maybe even central to their masculinity. It’s scary as hell.
How to Get Over Past Mistakes
1. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, does things wrongs, and has moments of regret. There are no perfect people out there. In that sense, you are just the same as everybody else.
2. Remind yourself that “that was then, and this is now”. You can’t turn back the clocks and change what you did, but you can be a different person in the future.
3. Allow yourself to experience and name the feelings you are struggling with (regret, guilt, shame, disappointment, embarrassment, sadness, etc.) – then make the decision to let those feelings go. In the end, it’s unhealthy to become attached to them.
4. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. What would you do differently if you found yourself in that situation again? How can it change the person you are now (so that you feel better about yourself)?
5. Recognise that failings and mistakes are part of the growth process. It’s inevitable that you’ll encounter obstacles, challenges and failures throughout life. Don’t let that stop you from really living life.
6. Remind yourself that “it was what you did, it’s not who you are.” Don’t allow any single event or experience to define you. You are more than – so don’t let that become your identity, or your destiny.
7. Give yourself the gift of a new day and a new start. Forgive yourself, let go of the past, and with confidence move on with your life.
Word of the day triple play: PLANTIGRADE, DIGITIGRADE, UNGULIGRADE
Three forms of terrestrial mammal locomotion:
PLANTIGRADE: “sole walking”—animals walk by “planting” the full soles of their feet on the ground
DIGITIGRADE: “finger/toe walking”—animals walk with all or most of the length of their toes (“digits”), but not the full soles of their feet
UNGULIGRADE: “hoof walking”—animals walk on only their nails, usually hooves (as in “ungulates”)